Fuckers

Global engineering group Johnson Bros Inc was close to going bust last week, prompting a record-breaking $50billion bailout by the US government.

The firm was found to be using poor quality cement in buildings all over the world. So far, over a hundred buildings have collapsed, killing more than 5000 people and injuring tens of thousands more. There are fears that thousands more buildings may collapse.

Hundreds of thousands of people fled Houston yesterday as it became known that Johnson Bros had been involved in constructing nearly 30% of the city’s building stock.

The company’s professional indemnity insurance is not valid as the buildings have collapsed due to negligence by the directors in charge. As a result they haven’t been able to afford to pay the damages in the lawsuits that have been brought against them.

In a statement to the press on Friday, the firm said: ‘We are sorry about all the human suffering that have been caused as a direct result of our negligence. However, we are proud to say that we only did it because we made billions of dollars. At the end of the day, it’s just about money.’

The directors have walked away with millions of dollars in bonuses and the firms’ shares had increased by over 500% in the last three years before plummeting on Thursday.

The US government has responded by spending $50 billion to pay off the firm’s debt and stockmarkets across the world shot up on Friday as the bailout became known.

US President Larry Greenhron said at a press conference on Saturday: ‘We have decided to bail out Johnson Bros with immediate effect. The firm maintains that it only did it because they were making lots of money. We are not considering further regulation in the construction industry as it could have disastrous effects on the world economy.’

British Prime Minister Geoffrey Black added: ‘We welcome this move by the United States. The human cost is regrettable, but after all, Johnson Bros can’t be blamed for trying to make as much money as possible.’

Sound familiar?

Fucking banks.

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2 Comments

  1. Whats this about, is it fiction cos it says British Prime Minister Geoffrey Black. Who’s that? If its real could you send the link to the newspaper article? cheers!

  2. Is it not clear that this is tongue in cheek? 😉


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